Where Dreams Come True

Well, it's been a week since my last blog, I don't really want to bombard anyone with all my thoughts, as what my Dad has been trying to teach me my whole life, "Sometimes it's better to just keep quiet..." And so I've decided to just keep the random thoughts to myself last week until I find something not-so-boring to write about.

POOF! Disney! Who doesn't love Disney? (Well, maybe the kids today, but whatever, I LOVE DISNEY, or maybe LOVED? Still thinking...) 

I used to watch Studio D with Nikki Muller, Azura Zainal and I think William. I wouldn't care if they were reruns, it didn't matter I loved the shows! And maybe some of you did too! My favorite shows were Kim Possible and That's So Raven, I kind of outgrew Hillary Duff... 

 

 

I was a huge fan before: writing e-mails and visiting the Disney Channel website. And there was a time that they actually got my e-mail! Someone from Singapore called me up and asked me if I wanted to meet Nikki of Studio D. I went to a shoot in Fort with my sisters, my mom and my long-time friend, Mercy (if only I could find that old picture). They took a video of us answering the question: What would be the best vacation for you? Well, I answered something like being away from my parents which is probably what made them not air it. Haha! They also included me in the FGD about what the show needed, pretty cool participating in something like that when I was kid. It was prolly one of the things that got me interested in working for Disney and marketing.

After that, they gave me a Disney channel goodie bag! Hmmm, it had a stop watch, a Disney channel lanyard (which I still have), Kim Possible post-its (pretty cool cos the case was a "communicator") and some other stuff which my long-term memory has failed to recall. The funny thing was that the most valuable thing for me was the paper bag itself. It was sooooo precious. Other than my weird interest in paper bags, it was really unique since you don't find it in commercial stores. 

Moving on...I grew up with Disney movies and shows, much like any other kid. I was so engrossed in the shows, I remember having my friends sign a petition when I found out that Kim Possible was going to end soon. Well, the petition didn't go far because I became a teenager and I became interested in boys and make-up. Anyway, now I look at my little brother and feel bad for him... I was asking him if he ever watched Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, etc. and he actually hasn't watched a lot of the classic Disney movies. Well it's not his fault, I mean there are still pretty good movies for kids like Cars, Despicable Me, Tangled... I just wish they could bring back the classics. That's what I'm gonna do when I become CEO of Disney some day! Haha! In my dreams right? Well, Disney did say dreams do come true...so... we'll see...

I don't think I have a certain agenda in writing this entry... I guess I just wanted to write about Disney:) 

I wonder what your top Disney movies and shows were? 

(This sudden Disney outburst was probably from watching Hercules, Mulan, Little Mermaid and right now, Aladdin... Disney marathon!!! I'm so happy:D)

Mistakes

Maybe it's too early to blog about today, but what the heck, I'm full of emotion right now. 

Woke up today feeling not so grateful about having a job and eventually realizing my job is literally 5 steps away from my bed... I can even work on my bed... so the ungratefulness quickly disappeared.  

I was feeling good, thinking positive about this opportunity and convincing myself that I should just suck it up and do my job. Started off with my usual 'good morning' to my boss and I started discussing some things with him...Remember how I mentioned it doesn't take much to screw things up at my job? Well, today was Exhibit A. It was one of those feel good moments, your mind is just full of rainbows and unicorns and just when you were starting to really be happy, life slaps you across your face or something like this... 

I'm not gonna tell you how I screwed things up, all you need to know is that it was my fault. (Well, you gotta hand it to me, acceptance stage agad.)

I've f*d up very few times in my life (not to brag) which just tells you that I don't really handle f*ing up very well. Some people handle making mistakes as easy as saying "DAAAAAMN, I f*ed up" and then their lives move on. As for me, it includes: self-doubt, self-pity, tears, and most recently blogging. People have been telling me that young people are supposed to make mistakes or that THIS is the time to make mistakes...  It's not that I think I'm perfect and I'm incapable of making mistakes, clearly I can screw things up just as anyone else could, but I guess I just expect more from myself. I have avoided accountability  most of my college life (for a reason that is too long to share) and having it back now scares me so much,. There's no one to share it with, it's just me. Something goes wrong: I screwed up. Something's missing: I screwed up. It's my job and it's my responsibility. I feel so vulnerable and I've got no confidence in myself. It's like walking into that consultation room and you pick that one thesis statement you were betting you wouldn't get... or your defense panel directing a question towards you for a part you did not make and did not care to look into... only now it's not with a professor who is paid to teach us and point us our mistakes, it's from your boss who pays you not to makes mistakes. 

And that's what I've learned so far from working for four months now: we're not getting paid to make mistakes. So you can hear all those line about us being empowered, us doing trial and error but the fact is once you work, every mistake you make costs something, it may not be cut from your salary but it's on you. 

I'm 20, I'm not making an excuse, I am merely making a statement that I have much to learn. 

It's Not Just Today

Today, I decided to revive this old blog of mine containing what seems to be what I was all about in Ateneo, someone who has the guts to cram yet still delivers. Things have changed since graduation and there's a lot more to think about than what Just-In-Time means, or what the statement  "...to be in relation with the other face to face is to be unable to kill" proposes. It seems so easier now, the things I went through in college because I just had to go with the flow. I could blame the institution so easily if I had a lazy day, I could blame the lack of healthy food in the dorm if I gained a few pounds, I could blame my group mates if I had a crappy output. But yeah, things have really changed. Everyone's looking at me and there's no one else to blame. 


*Breaks into song and sings "Look at me Now"*


It doesn't take much to screw up at my job: misplace the decimal, click send to the wrong recipient,  click OK to something unfinished... And it seems I have been screwing up a lot and it just puts me in a position where I doubt myself a lot and I question the things I am doing... Lately, I've been feeling like I'm in the wrong place and it's probably just because I'm living with my parents now which is something I'm not used to. But the truth is, it's more than just the location I'm in, it's more than what industry I'm working in... I think it's about where my heart is...and I'm not talking about how my current relationship doesn't feel right (heck, it's the one thing in my life I'm sure I want to stay in). It's about passion, and I don't have it, for anything. Yeah, I like playing sports, baking, cooking, whatever, but I don't have that one thing I will work hard for and focus on... closest would probably be making power points but seriously making power points as my passion, I want something more than that. 


Some people may be on their way to chasing their dreams now, some people are probably already there...I envy not your success but your decision to focus on something, to have something to dream about. Long story short:college is over; I am more accountable; life feels like it sucks right now (except for my love life, actually); I feel like I can't move because I am not passionate about anything. 


How the hell can you have passion for something? Oh wise one, teach me.